Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #5408

      Tommy Tredway
      Keymaster
      @TommyTredway
    • #5456

      Tommy Tredway
      Keymaster
      @TommyTredway

      I started listening to and reading the book this weekend.  I often listen to audiobooks in the car and then switch to actual books when at home, so it’s a little back and forth for me.

      I’m really enjoying it so far.  Both the three P’s and the idea that people don’t ask because they don’t know what to say really hit home for me.  I’m almost 40, but I lost my step-father to suicide when I was 17 years old.  I remember having a lot of friends and family around, but it also struck me as odd that some of them never talked about it, never asked about it, etc.

      As an adult, I’ve often found myself in situations where I was the person who didn’t know what to say. Even though I’ve had a long professional career in healthcare, there are times when it just feels like no words adequately fit the situation, or I’m being overly cautious to not say something that would be upsetting.  I think it’s great to remember that the person grieving is ALREADY upset and rightfully so. Simply acknowledging “the suck” can be better than not saying anything at all.

    • #5474

      DomenicaD
      Member
      @DomenicaD

      Hi, thanks for what you wrote. What you related i have found to be so common in the face of any loss.  Personal or professional, in a spiritual environment or at home,no words fit, presence matters, and listening to words and awareness of what is going on in front of you might, just might bring on the grace needed in the moment. And yes I agree it is already there, naming it, letting someone know it is ok to be anxious when they have suffered trauma … is enough.

    • #5478

      Trish Matthews
      Moderator
      @TrishMatthews

      Thanks for your reflections, Tommy and Donna.  I agree that sometimes just to name that his is awful, horrible – to acknowledge the “suck” – is the best response to a tragedy.  I have heard people diagnosed with cancer say that the most helpful thing anyone said to them is along the lines of “Cancer Sucks.”  Losing a parent to suicide – there are no words, are there Tommy?  But to remain in the game, to stay with you, to deal with your own discomfort in order to be there for the person with the loss – that is what ultimately matters.  Sandberg had many who came around her in her time of loss.  Sometimes, in our desire to say just the right thing, we miss the opportunity to say what is really in our heart.  What we are feeling.  Like – I have no idea what to say, but I am in this with you.  Like – This is awful.  Like – I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  Like not saying let me know if you need anything but actually doing something – anything.  I heard Kate Bowler say that she once was told that someone was in the lobby of the hospital for the next hour and was offering a hug, if that was needed.  I love that!  As Donna so well said, grace in the moment.

      Happy Sunday,

      Trish

    • #5483

      Rick Underwood
      Moderator
      @RickUnderwood

      Thanks all for your insightful and helpful comments.  Our seminar this month is Spiritual Care for Grieving Children. I thought the author of our book had some great suggestions about helping kids become resilient through the grief process.  In a Psychology Today article I came across, the author suggests that a phrase like, “I am sorry for your loss” can be a canned phrase that helps separate us from the grieving person.  The author suggested instead, “nothing will ever be the same” or “my heart hurts for you” lessons the distance.  I have used all of these and at the time of the initial shock, I don’t think it really matters what we say if we don’t say too much, because the grieving person doen’t really hear words anyhow.  I would be interested in your thoughts.

      Rick

       

       

    • #5487

      Trish Matthews
      Moderator
      @TrishMatthews

      I like what you are saying, Rick.  Sometimes I think we say “I am sorry for your loss” when we don’t know what to say.  People might respond – “it is not your fault.”  I like what you suggest to say – “my heart hurts for you” and “nothing will ever be the same.”  Those are great suggestions.  I also like that you try out different phrases and see the response.  I think that is a good practice to embrace.

      Trish

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.