5 replies, 4 voices Last updated by Kathy Sapp Ozenberger 2 years, 9 months ago
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    • #4220

      Mary M. Wrye
      Member
      @mmwrye

      Good Friday morning all. At the very end of Chapter 2 of Listening & Caring Skills, John Savage says “…I define ‘lag time’ as time to use the conscious mind you have left over to think of your issues while the other is speaking. It is because you have lag time that you can ask questions. It is even possible to rehearse several different types of questions, while still listening to the other person.” (page 37)

      That kind of struck me … it may very well be that I am not at the level of listening skills that John Savage is, however, I am curious about how one practices different types of questions in your head while listening to the story of the other person. Sometimes those stories get rather complicated and it takes all I have just to make the hooks and turns as the other is telling the story.

      Or maybe I am just reading his statement all wrong. So I’m wondering how you all interpreted that.

    • #4225

      Rose McKeown
      Member
      @rmckeown

      Good morning Mary and thank you for this reflection! “it may very well be that I am not at the level of listening skills that John Savage is..” With you, I know that I am not at his level of listening skills and I may never get there but I will keep trying. I’m not conscious of any ‘lag time’ in my listening much less being able to ‘rehearse several different types of questions, while still listening to the other person. To me, that would be the skill of a trained therapist and that I am not!

    • #4229

      Mary M. Wrye
      Member
      @mmwrye

      Whew… thanks Rose! :0)

    • #4231

      Wally Plock
      Participant
      @wemajh

      Thanks for the great question.  At first glance, it seems contrary to some training on listening I have had.  “Don’t run on ahead in your mind and think about what you are going to say as soon as there is a break in the conversation.”  That happens more in informal settings and less in pastoral care situations, but I do have a tendancy to follow little (interesting) rabbit trails esp. if it triggers similar stories or emotions.  I take this suggestion for lag time as a chance to move the camera angle a bit.  What are my options in my next question.  Should I pursue a feeling, get more data, clarify, paraphrase, reach out and touch and not ask… My first thought is not always my best thought.  It is like Jesus writing on the ground when he is being pressed with a seemingly no win situationwith the woman caught in adultery.

    • #4234

      Mary M. Wrye
      Member
      @mmwrye

      Thanks Wally! That helped clarify that issue for me. I understand what you are saying and yes, I do tend to do that in the middle of hearing someone telling their story.

    • #4244

      I too read these and say to myself–oh, Kathy pay attention.  As I believe Yoda says–“You have much to learn.”

      I guess, I read the lag time as a moment to breathe in and be sure I have completely listened to the speaker, before I chose a response.

      I, too, wondered how much lag time to take by practicing different ideas.

      For me I know that I need to slow down conversations and not just react to the surface of what others are telling me.

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