Rick Underwood


Thanks for the questions.  My mom was a wonderful, spiritual lady.  Somewhere along the line, she developed a theology that including the notion that if something bad happens to someone you love, it is often your fault.  For many years, this was my default thinking/feeling.  It was not helpful but it does speak to the personalization the author discusses.

In the hospital, while attending a person who has a sudden loss of a loved one, I hear things like, “I can’t go on.” “I can’t do my  life without him/her.”  or “Oh, my God!” I am not sure any verbal response is of much help.  I have just tried to be there and let them know I hear them.  On some occasions, I have said, “I hear you, I know you feel that way, right now.”

Many years ago, I went through a painful divorce and I remember feeling/thinking it was all my fault, the impact would never end, and that it would effect/affect my life forever.  Fortunately, I had good friends who had been through a divorce, a good therapist, and good reading material that helped me see a future that was different.